How to Sext: Secrets to Talking Dirty

How to Sext: Secrets to Talking Dirty


“How to sext” is now a popular search phrase online.

Our minds are like Hollywood studios when it comes to sexual arousal. We can create the most tantalizing, heart-racing, and sensual scenarios from a simple text message.

This is where the art of sexting comes into play.

People love dirty talk for a variety of reasons. For some, it’s the thrill of expressing their desires and fantasies without inhibition.

For others, it’s a way to connect with their partner and spice up their sex life.

Let’s explore.

What Is Sexting?

how to sext

Sexting is sending sexually explicit messages, images, nudes, or voice messages over mobile apps or the internet. It’s the digital age’s answer to love letters with a spicier twist.

According to Statista, 77% of US adults have sent dirty messages, and 88% have received dirty text messages.

Sexting conversations began in the age of text messages. People would indulge in sexting sessions using QWERTY keypads.

The coming of the internet and smartphones popularized phone sex even more. It’s as common as having an intimate moment with your partner.

Why Do People Send Sexy Texts?

The reasons for playing the sexting game are varied and colorful, like the emojis in your chats:

  • Boosting intimacy: Sexy text messages bring couples closer. It can be the glue in long-distance relationships that lack physical intimacy.
  • Exploring fantasies: Sexting is a safe way to explore dark fantasies without the pressure of face-to-face interaction. You can get bold and adventurous to test the waters of your sexual imagination.
  • Keeping things exciting: Virtual dirty talking can reignite the spark in long-term relationships. It can break the monotony and add a thrilling element to the day.
  • Confidence boost: Sending and receiving naughty texts can help you gain confidence. It reminds you you’re desirable and gives you an ego boost.
  • Foreplay: Dirty texting is an excellent digital foreplay. It sets the stage for what’s to come and builds the excitement for when you two finally meet.

Next, we will learn how to dirty talk over text.

How to Sext: Step-by-Step Guide

Now comes the time to answer your question, “How do I sext?” Don’t worry; it’s not that challenging, but it may take some time and practice.

Here is what you need to do to sext like a pro:

1. Seek Consent

Consent is the foundation of any healthy sexual interaction. Ensure you and your partner are comfortable and excited about the experience.

It’s all about mutual enjoyment and respect.

Example: “Hey! I have been thinking about spicing up our chats. Are you into sending some flirty and naughty text messages?”

Boundaries and Comfort Level:

Everyone has different comfort level when it comes to dirty talk. Discuss and establish boundaries beforehand to ensure you feel safe and respected.

Example: “Just checking – is there anything you aren’t comfortable with while sexting? Let’s be on the same page.”

What’s Allowed:

Some might be okay with explicit conversations but draw the line at nude photos. On the other hand, some folks are open to everything.

Clarify what type of sexy texting is acceptable.

Always respect these preferences for mutual trust and enjoyment.

Example: “Are you okay with texts, or would you like to exchange naughty photos? I want to ensure I don’t cross any boundaries.

2. Choose the Right Moment

Timing is everything when it comes to sending sexts. Below are a few tips for choosing the right moment and ensuring your partner is ready.

Check if Your Partner is Free:

You don’t want to talk about your dick when your partner is in a meeting or family reunion. Ensure your pleasure buddy has time and privacy to enjoy the experience fully.

Example: “Hey, are you free right now? I was thinking of sending you something a bit naughty.”

Ensure They’re in the Right Headspace:

Any sex expert will tell you sexting is all about the mood. Make sure your partner is in the right headspace and not dealing with stress or distractions.

They must be relaxed and prepared to engage.

Example: “I hope you’re having a good day. Are you in the mood for a little fun chat later? I’ve got ideas to brighten up your evening!”

3. Build the Anticipation

how do i sext

Creating anticipation is key to a thrilling experience. Here’s how to ramp up the sext excitement:

Go Slow:

  • Don’t rush into explicit details.
  • Start slow and let the tension build.

The slow burn can make the eventual payoff more satisfying.

Example: “I’ve been thinking about you all day. Can’t wait to tell you what’s on my mind…!”

Drop Casual & Flirty Openers:

  • Begin with light, flirty messages to build the mood.
  • Take time to ease into the conversation.
  • Establish a playful tone.

Example: “I missed you today. What would you do if I were sitting right next to you?”

Use Humor to Break the Ice:

Humor can make things more fun and relaxed. Share a cheeky joke or playful comment to ease nervousness and make the interaction more enjoyable.

Example: “Are you ready for a little game of ‘Guess what I’m wearing?’ Hint: You’ll surely blush.”

Incorporate Hints & Playful Teases:

Tease your partner with hints about what’s to come. It keeps them intrigued and wanting more.

Example: “I bought something new today. Can’t wait to show you…but you’ll have to guess what it is first!”

Read Partner’s Cues & Responses:

Is your partner enthusiastic and engaged? Or are they giving short replies?

Pay close attention to how your partner responds. Adjust your approach based on their cues to ensure they’re comfortable and interested.

Example: “Seems like you’re enjoying this. Do you want me to continue?”

4. Use Descriptive Language

The magic of sexting lies in the words you choose. How do you sext someone using descriptive and tantalizing messages?

  • Paint a picture with your words.
  • Focus on sensations and emotional intimacy.
  • Describe the scene, atmosphere, and the feelings.
  • Don’t jump straight into explicit details.

Example: “I can feel your skin against mine, and the warmth makes me crazy. The gentle caress of your fingers is sending shivers down my spine.”

Share Compliments:

Compliments are incredibly arousing during sexy conversations. Let your partner know what you adore in them, whether looks, voice or how they make you feel.

Example: “I can’t stop thinking how amazing you looked last night. You always make my heart race and my mind wander.”

Introduce Fantasies in a Light Manner:

  • Ease into your fantasies by hinting at them.
  • Don’t lay everything out immediately.
  • Reveal in bits intriguingly.
  • Let your partner engage at their own pace.

Example: “I dreamt about us last night. We were on a secluded beach, with a gentle breeze blowing and very little on. Want to hear more?”

Inspire Yourself from Personal Experiences:

  • Reflect on exciting and memorable past experiences in real life.
  • Use these moments to craft your sexy messages.
  • Add personal touches that make the sext more intimate.

Example: “Remember that night we were making out? That felt amazing, and I’m imagining what we could do next time.”

Draw Inspiration from Erotic Content:

Sometimes, a little inspiration from erotic literature, stories, and porn can spice things up. Borrow elements that excite you and weave them into your private messages.

Example: “I read an incredible story about a couple getting locked in a dungeon. It got me thinking what we’d do if we had the place to ourselves!”

5. Turn Up the Intensity

You’re getting the hang of how to talk dirty during sexting. It’s time for some sexting tips to take things to the next level.

Adjust Intensity Based on Partner’s Responses:

  • Pay close attention to how your chat buddy is responding.
  • Introduce more explicit content if they seem eager and engaged.
  • Keep things slow and check in with them if they’re hesitant.

Example: “Do you like it? Want me to take it up a notch?”

Combine Subtle Hints with Direct Expressions:

Mix subtle hints with more direct language to create a dynamic and exciting conversation.

This keeps your partner intrigued and at the edge of the seat.

Example: “I can’t stop going gaga over your touch. I’m thinking what I’d do when I meet you next.”

Incorporate Selfies & Suggestive Images:

  • Spice up your chats with suggestive images and hot selfies.
  • Always avoid identifiable backgrounds to ensure privacy.
  • Go for secure platforms with encrypted chats.

Emoji Sexting, Memes, and GIFs:

Add more oomph to your chats with erotic memes, GIFs, and fun emojis.

They add humor and visual excitement to conversations about sex. Your chat becomes more engaging and playful.

6. Make It Interactive

how do you sext

Are you wondering, “How do I sext without boring my partner ?”

Follow the cues below to keep your conversation dynamic, interactive, and fresh.

Change Themes & Scenarios:

  • Don’t stick to just one fantasy and scenario.
  • Introduce new themes or settings to make things unpredictable.

Example: “Let’s pretend we’re on a secret getaway…what would you do if we had the whole place to ourselves?”

Ask Dirty Questions:

  • Keep your partner engaged by asking sexy questions.
  • Invite them to share their fantasies.

Example: “What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve done? I’d love to hear all about it.”

Avoid Repetitive Ideas & Phrases:

  • Repetition can quickly make the conversation stale.
  • Be creative with your language and scenarios to keep things fresh.

Example: Instead of saying, “I want you,” try, “I can’t stop imagining your hands on me, exploring every inch…”

7. Enjoy the Moment

Relationship experts will tell you it’s all in the moment. So, savor every bit of it.

Relish Mental Sensations:

  • Focus on the mental arousal coming from the exchange of words and images.
  • Let your imagination run wild and relish the thrill of the moment.

Be Detailed:

  • Create an intense experience with detailed and vivid descriptions.
  • Describe settings, sensations, and actions for a more intense experience.

Example: ” I feel your breath against my neck, your hands caressing down my thighs, every touch setting my skin on fire…”

Touch & Pleasure Yourself:

  • Enhance your experience by incorporating physical stimulation.
  • Let your partner know what you’re doing and encourage them to reciprocate.

Example: “I’m running my fingers down my chest, imagining it’s yours. What about you? What are you doing right now?”

Ask your partner to give you jerk-off instructions or tell you how to pleasure yourself. You can also do the same for an immersive experience.

Additionally, here are the best ways to masturbate for penis owners.

Add Sex Toys if You Want:

  • You may bring sex toys to the mix to boost the pleasure.
  • Share actions with your partner for a more immersive and shared experience.
  • You may use couple’s toys with remote connectivity for more synced actions.

Read more: How to Use Male Sex Toys.

Do’s and Don’ts of Sexting

Below are a few guidelines for respectful and enjoyable experiences.


  • Be mindful of your partner’s feelings and comfort levels.
  • Respect their boundaries and preferences.
  • Use secure and reliable apps for dirty texts.
  • Maintain privacy with strong passwords and two-factor authentication.
  • Regularly check in on your partner during and after the chat session.
  • Consider deleting sensitive images or texts from your devices for added privacy.


  • Never pressure your partner to share nudes or messages they aren’t comfortable with.
  • Never share their nudes or sexts with anyone without consent.
  • Don’t use shared or public devices that are accessed by others.
  • Don’t ignore your partner’s non-verbal cues like hesitation or discomfort.

What to Do When You Lose the Flow

You may hit a roadblock and lose your flow while sexting. Here’s how to get things going again:

  • Pauses are natural. Don’t stress; take a breath and recalibrate.
  • Shift to a lighter topic. It may reignite the spark without feeling forced.
  • Keep things fun by introducing new scenarios and playful ideas.
  • Gently check in to see if your partner is still interested. A simple nudge can make them engaged again.
  • Use humor to dissolve any awkwardness. Shift to discussing something you both love.
  • Encourage your partner to open up and take the lead. Keep the back-and-forth exchange going.
  • Take a break if nothing works. Continue later when both are recharged.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who can I sext with?

You can sext with anyone who’s given the thumbs-up to dive into those digital whispers, whether your long-term love, a new spark from Tinder, or your long-distance sweetheart. Just remember, consent is the sexiest word in the sexting dictionary.

How much sexting is normal?

Normal in sexting is as flexible as yoga pants! Whether you’re firing off flirty one-liners during coffee breaks or engaging in epic, steamy chat marathons into the wee hours—there’s no one-size-fits-all. Just like your Netflix habits or your choice in pizza toppings, it’s all about what feels good for you and your texting buddy.

Do married couples sext?

Absolutely! Married couples aren’t just passing grocery lists back and forth. Many keep the spark alive by turning up the heat with some digital flirtation. Sexting can add a playful or sizzling twist to day-to-day married life, proving that wedding bands definitely don’t mean the end of fun.

How do you break the ice to talk dirty?

Start with a compliment that’s both sweet and a tad spicy—think of it as jalapeño chocolate. Test the waters with something light like, ‘Thinking about you is my new favorite hobby,’ and see how they volley back. If they return the serve with a wink or a playful reply, you might just be ready to turn up the heat. Remember, it’s all about having fun, so keep it cheeky and see where the conversation takes you!

Is it safe to share nudes on sexts?

Sharing nudes is exciting but risky. Always ensure your digital playground is as secure as possible and trust is the foundation. Even then, remember the internet is more leaky than grandma’s old faucet. You may keep your face or other identifiable details out of the frame to stay on the safe side. Bottom line: share smart, share safe, and never feel pressured to turn the camera on if you’re not 100% into it!

Get Your Phone Ready

Dirty talking is a way to bond, share erotic experiences, and build anticipation. It includes naughty texts, images, videos, or voice messages.

How do you sext someone?

Seek consent and wait for the right moment. Build excitement and use vivid language to describe scenarios and fantasies. Share nudes or erotic emojis to turn up the intensity and keep things interactive by involving your partner.

Most importantly, enjoy the moment and savor the mental sensations.

Add Fleshy sex toys to the equation to pump up the pleasure. Describe each stroke and sensation to turn them on like crazy.

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